When I became an executive at a company that produced Mason jars in 2003, I never dreamed my life would be like this.
We were just another glassware company 10 years ago, but now, in New York, Los Angeles, there is no precious little bar. A.
Or other places that don't offer drinks in our signature container.
Now the Mason jar is on it and now my colleague and I are the damn drink conqueror and we will enjoy this cocaine
The rocket can fly for as long as it lasts.
I'm going to explode to fucking Mars, idiots, I'm going straight through the belly of the damn sun!
As long as every gourmet bar and Williamsburg bar want to continue pouring craft cocktails into our jars, we'll swim in Uncut Peruvian street spices and parties like savages.
You continue to install the mason jars by the bathroom sink and use them as a toothbrush holder, and we will continue to buy the fucking fabled eggs at the rate Sotheby's can pull them out.
You make the Mason jar Jack. o’-
Lanterns, the tie pins we wear, can fucking get a kid to college.
Don't you think I'm the real King?
I'm on the hoverboard now.
This is what the lovely green craft will bring you.
And the world.
Every nightclub VIP room on Earth has class decoration.
Seriously, like my mansion, every time someone fills our jars with shells and uses them as a decoration center, it magically grows a new Italian fountain.
I have eight infinity pools.
Look, I never thought of this from the Mason jar. Who would?
You can't get 600-foot mega-
Yacht, never give
Fuck him, if you have enough money, you will sink it down, you are the little old lady who can hold strawberry jam.
But the way these babies are sold, there is no limit to what my colleagues and I can escape.
We are better than human beings, better than God. we are jar-
Slaughterers, god of this site!
I haven't slept for five days and I don't care at all.
I don't remember buying this cheetah.
Do you know what I can do?
In the us I can walk into any bed and breakfast and just take my dick out in front of everyone.
No one will say shit to me.
Because they know that without me, those Mason tank lamps with light bulbs hanging on the lid do not exist.
They know I gave them a good rustic style. Me! I did it!
I fucking did it!
So, my room is better prepared, and it's better to have a kilo of Vermont's finest crystals on my pillow, because if not, I take out every pot of mine and go with me to my Bugatti, you can explain to your guests why your flowers are stuck in a boring ceramic vase and let them out!
Do you understand what I mean?
I'm fucking everywhere right now because your balloons can't get enough quaint jar moves.
I kick a vase at the Acropolis
I'm in China, Dick. slapping terra-cotta warriors;
I played the British Museum on the Rosetta stone because I had
The passage to anywhere, I was blown out of my skull.
I am the eternal high priest!
Hey, don't get me wrong.
I know you will eventually leave the Mason jar.
One day you will complete your flip task with your Mason jar snowballs and spice planters and you will continue to use old fashioned soda bottles or pewter beer steins or other stylish containers, make you hard for a while.
But before you do that, we'll have five porn stars at a time on the 160 th floor of Burj Khalifa.
Under "Cute Wedding Ideas", put a photo on your little Pinterest page.
"When we were at Ball Mason Jars, we did what Vikings wanted. But guess what?
I also invested in wall decorations, candles, Wicker wreaths and hundreds of other healthy home crafts --
The dead little fool ate it right away.
Once the Mason jar is over, the rest of my company may be content to revert it back to obscurity. But not me.
I don't want to leave my new life.
I am everything, I am the world, I am their last nail in Jesus, I will continue to burn, burn, burn until I become a fucking crispy corpse, or you're finally tired of DIY furniture, which is never going to happen.
Now go and make some wind chimes with the Mason jar cover.
I want another island.