According to Greta, there was nothing in the sky that night.
She lay in the cool of the white marble tiles in the bathroom and heard the call again.
Her husband knocked on the horn of the car: a long and noisy beep, then two short clicks, as if to apologize.
She tightened the zipper of a pair of jeans without holding the soft meat in the middle.
She felt the task was both heavy and shameful, mainly because she bought the couple less than a month ago and had the same frustrating experience as every one lying on the dresser.
Remind her of another short beep (
Just in case she forgot)
Her husband and daughter are waiting in an empty car, but it does appear on her and there may be pictures.
She wants to try at least decent.
There are not many pictures of the two of them, unlike the early days before Charlotte was born.
Now, any photos seem to be taken from their six. year-
Height of daughter-
Hardly a flattering angle: Greta's twisted smile tilted upwards, and Philip's distracting and vaguely surprised eyes were heavy under the cover as if he did not want himself to be there very much.
Finally, she managed to manipulate the zipper most of the time, but did not buckle the button on the top.
She took the oversized T.
The shirt was worn on it, grabbed a sweater on the way out, stuffed it into the bag, and ran into the car.
Philip pulled it out of the driveway and waited by the side of the road.
"I'm sorry," she said through the open window.
"Mom, we will miss it!
Greta took a look at her daughter, who was tied to the back seat, and she was wearing a pink gymnastics suit. flops.
The air began to cool and Greta could see goose bumps on Charlotte's thin arm.
Greta asked Philip, "Did you pack her a sweater ? ".
"I thought you did it.
Greta did not answer, she packed a sweater for herself but did not pack it for Charlotte.
"I can go back," she said, but Philip had already driven down the street and had no children's sweaters and dinner for half an hour --prepared.
She tried to remember if she locked the door behind her, but she thought they would disappear in such a short period of time, possibly broken --
Not likely to go in
"I'm not cold," Charlotte insisted . "
She stretched her legs to Philip's seat in front of her.
"I know, my dear, but we are not outside.
Put your feet down.
Charlotte had a dramatic fall. “Daddy lets me.
Greta studied her husband's face carefully.
He squinted at the Sun and looked like he was smiling.
But his chin was stiff.
Greta can see that he is grinding his teeth and would like to remind him of the warning given to him by their dentist during Philip's annual medical examination, but he has decided not to do so.
He went down the hill and crossed the yellow light on his way to the ocean.
Charlotte makes a sound of excitement, and the volume will increase every turn. “Whoaaaaa . . . whoaaaa!
"She used the movement of her body to exaggerate, as if they were roaring on the roller --coaster track.
Philip asked, "Do you think the ocean is still a mountain . "
"Well, I hope the ocean, because this is where we are going," Greta said . ".
Philip glanced at her, quickly counted her face, and then looked back at the road.
"I mean, it's your business," she said . ".
"I don't even know anything about it.
"They happen every twenty years," he said calmly . "
"It seems a shame not to at least make an effort.
"It means that I will be an adult next time there is a harvest moon --up!
Charlotte told her mother.
Yes, Dad. that's right, sweetheart.
Philip smiled at her in the rearview mirror.
Greta looks at the lines that appear around his eyes and on both sides of his mouth when he smiles.
It made his face look as if it had melted and softened, but, just then, his chin and determination appeared again.
"This is such a special thing because it is very close to the spring," Philip explained aloud . " So his daughter can hear him from the back seat.
"Usually a few days or even weeks apart, but only six hours this time!
Charlotte repeated seriously, "Spring Equinox '.
Greta is sure that her daughter does not know the word.
She turned around and said: "The spring equinox means that the length of the day and night is roughly the same. ”“I KNOW!
Her daughter screamed.
Philip got a fright and the car turned slightly to the other lane and came back again.
Greta grabbed the dashboard and hit an imaginary brake with his feet. “Jesus Christ!
She put her hand into her hair and grabbed it. “Charlotte!
Said Philip, raising his voice.
"You already told me, Dad!
She always tells me what I already know.
Charlotte pointed her finger at her mother, and when both parents were silent and overwhelmed, she began to sob.
Philip said to Greta in a low voice, "this is true. I did tell her . "
"When we were in the driveway.
Greta is waiting for Philip to discipline Charlotte.
Father's authority is always more important.
Although perhaps this is only the case for Greta, as it is in her own childhood home --
But when Philip said nothing, Greta turned around and gave a lecture to his daughter in person.
Charlotte no longer wanted to cry, her little shoulder folded inward, with a near-sad expression, but she was staring at a bug that flew over the window glass next to her.
She looked at it quietly, patiently and strangely.
Just as the bug reached the edge of the glass, Charlotte stretched out her little hand and squashed it with her thumb.
Greta half wants her to lick it like their big and overweight tabby.
Bile rose from her stomach to the top of her throat, shocking her.
She covered her mouth with her hands. “Stop the car!
She tried to yell, but the words couldn't be explained as bile poured into her mouth and her hand pressed tightly on her lips.
Philip parked his car on the side of the road and Greta hobbled out of the car before he completely stopped.
She took her hand away from her mouth and spit it on the ground.
The air of the sea slaps her skin and taps her hair.
She bent down and waited to see if there was anything else to come, but all she had was the sour taste in her mouth.
She could hear Charlotte's muffled voice from the back seat and ask Philip if mom was okay.
The blood poured into Greta's head, and she slowly straightened up and felt dizzy.
She could not see the moon as she crossed the beach parking lot and looked up at the dark sky.
If it is there, it is covered with heavy, low things
Mist hanging from the ocean
Philip got off the bus and told Charlotte to stay where he was.
Greta watched the weeds swaying palm trees in the breeze.
She has always felt a sense of intimacy with the palm trees that were shipped here from other places.
Greta, who grew up outside Seattle, is used to her ocean surrounded by the majestic cedar of the Pacific Northwest.
"What happened," Philip said along the gravel . ".
He put his hand on her shoulder. She shrugged.
"It could be a hormone injection.
This is a possible side effect, "she said.
He took his hand off her shoulder and brushed his hair off her face.
It almost made her cry because of tenderness.
A tender that has been gone for a long time, but somehow until it comes back --
Even the smallest taste.
"I don't want to say to you," she tried to say with a smile, "but I don't think there is a moon tonight.
Harvest or other
He glanced at the sky and looked for signs of the moon.
The setting sun shone red with his blond hair.
Colored, like frosted
One of their daughters is a pink pony.
Greta giggled in the photo.
Philip glanced at her angrily.
"We missed it," he said . "
"I'm sorry," she said.
She tried to assume the correct expression, the patient, the expression of wifiely, even if it was not my fault, I would accept the accusation.
"I think we should climb the mountain. ” He sighed.
Greta took his hand and sewed it in his hand with her finger. “We still can.
It's not completely dark yet.
Why don't we do that ? " He opened Greta's door and quickly kissed her on the forehead and went to the driver's side.
"Charlotte had a violin class," he said . "
"Theresa May have been waiting at home. ”“Theresa!
Charlotte screamed excitedly.
"I didn't even know you had a violin class scheduled.
"Isn't she already having one this week? " Philip said ? ".
"All you have to do is check it out.
"He drove the car into the driveway and signaled the oncoming car he wanted.
Greta looked up to help him see.
It was Philip's first time making fun of her habit, saying it was his lack of confidence in driving.
Then he coaxed, criticized, and finally flat.
She asked her not to do so.
Despite his insistence, she can't control herself now.
While why she thinks she is more capable than her husband in finding danger or opportunity, Greta can't say.
Two years ago, TwoGreta found Theresa on Craigslist.
Theresa, a student at the Berkeley Conservatory of Music, originally intended to take a semester off, but then extended it for another year, and now it's almost two years.
Greta always thought it was because of a boy, but Theresa never mentioned anyone.
Theresa then has barely spoken to Greta since the first class, and Greta asks if the check is OK or if she likes cash.
Theresa doesn't seem to care about money.
She put thirty-
Greta, who had barely nodded for five dollars, stuffed it into her back pocket.
Greta wants to know how often she forgets the money there.
How many times did she find the bills, peeling them black and wet before they passed through the dryer.
All Greta knows about Theresa is that she lives in Venice with a sister and sister boyfriend, Grady riscoff.
Grady rizkov, a musician, has had a paltry success as a drummer in his early 90 s glendg band.
After the lead singer took a drug overdose and found Jesus, then refused to write the kind of music that put them on the charts, the band's success stalled.
Greta is not sure what Theresa's sister did
She is either a waitress or a manager of her boyfriend's career, probably both.
Theresa taught several children, including Charlotte, the violin.
According to her resume, she is one of the youngest students in Berklee, who is enrolled at the age of 17, but now she doesn't seem to have much motivation to come back.
When Philip drove the car into the driveway, she had a violin box in her hand and an iPod headset in her ear, standing on the front steps.
Charlotte jumped out of the car and put her arms around Theresa's slender frame.
"Sorry we were late," Philip shouted from outside the window when he turned off the ignition.
"We have been delayed for some reason.
"We are looking for the moon to harvest!
Charlotte told her.
"There is one every twenty years!
Theresa took off her purple freighter and held them on top of her head.
She knelt down and pulled out Charlotte's hair.
"How's my girl ? "
Everything Theresa says sounds like a whisper to Greta.
Charlotte pounced on Theresa and clipped her body to her like a marsupial, leaving her out of balance. “Charlotte! ” Greta said.
Charlotte released Theresa and rushed up the steps leading to the house.
"Come on, Theresa!
She shouted on her shoulder.
Theresa stood up and flattened the back of the jeans.
"You can go straight in," Greta said . ".
"I don't think we even locked it up.
She doesn't know why she said that.
When she is away, it is not particularly ideal to think of someone in her house.
"We took part in a" commando mission "by Philip," she added with a smile ".
Theresa smiled at her.
Greta is always surprised to find this timid, gentle and slightly uncomfortable feeling --
The girl with a smile will suddenly live.
It brightened her face, lifted it out of the mundane, into something radiant.
"It's really okay," Theresa said . ".
"I am enjoying the sunset.
Greta nodded and then looked at her watch absently.
They were not late, she noticed.
They are very early.
* Charlotte practiced the diatonic scale and peg tone with clear and confident agility.
Occasionally, the bow of Theresa can be heard, instructions and coordination, and the sound of the two playing together reverberates in the whole sublime House, bouncing from the high walls and entering Greta
Once in the oven, the two places have been installed, Greta has placed countless hormone drugs on the kitchen table, Follistim, Lupron and Clomid, this red plastic container, there are shocking skulls and crossbones on the sides as well as black fonts, "warning: hazardous waste.
Handle it carefully.
She took out the black one. and-
On the white composition paper, she scribbled a lot of notes, while the nurses at her fertility specialist clinic told her what order to manage, when to manage and manage.
Considering this is their third time.
After a long period of logical and emotional debate
Both parties agree-
In the last attempt, the drug is as confusing as the self, which is frustrating
Shooting like the first time.
She watches homemade YouTube videos at least once a week, with a woman suffering from scudgy --
Ruddy skin expertly mixes drugs together and combines them with the passion of the usual exposure of test-tube baby veterans.
Philip walked into the kitchen just as Greta gave himself the last shot in his thigh. “Ow,” he said.
He covered one side of his face with his hand.
From the beginning, Philip made it clear that he refused to have anything to do with shooting.
"I will masturbate into the plastic cup and I will let them count my sperm as much as they want, but there is no needle," he announced . ".
"Such a sacrifice.
He said, really, you would masturbate into the plastic cup for me "for her" and draw a ring on her belly with your index finger.
The "other girl" she teased ".
He said: "What's the problem with a boy? don't you have enough estrogen in your life ? " As they breathe in each other, stretch themselves through her. * * *Twenty-
Two months and three months later, they stopped talking about possible gender.
Nor did they discuss VBACS, epidurals, hospitals, and delivery centers, nor did they discuss whether doulas really value the fee.
Now Greta is trying to protect him from everything in the process, trying to make it all look as easy as possible.
He went to the oven and looked inside.
"Hello, lasagna," he said.
"Are you not cute?
Greta recorded the amount of hormone she injected, broke the tip of the syringe and stuffed it into a red disposal box.
She then put everything in the Wicker pie basket that her mother gave her a few years ago, which was still not used for the intended purpose, but was very convenient for this one.
She asked, "Are you finished packing ? "
"I put the shirt I bought at the cleaners on your dresser.
"I packed them up, thank you.
Charlotte's balance has accelerated.
Philip walked up to the door, listening and leaning his head.
"She got good, didn't she? " he said ? ".
Greta walked up to the cabinet and changed the basket. “I don’t know. I can’t tell.
They're just scales.
"I mean, I think there have been some noticeable improvements since we added additional classes," Philip said . ".
He listened again with his eyes closed until the balance stopped and was quiet.
"Theresa says Charlie is one of the most gifted students she has," he added . ".
"From a 19-year-old music-
The school dropped out of school, which was highly praised.
"It came out before the idea was fully formed in her mind.
But it has come out and Greta is scrambling to come up with something that can soften the edges.
"She likes it very much, it's good," Greta concluded . ".
She sat behind the table and looked at her husband.
Philip leaned against the counter in the kitchen and began leisurely sorting out all kinds of items --prized flea-
The market found that old medicine bottles, long ashtray
At the horizontal line.
He nodded steadily, as if listening to a song in his head.
She watched him go far, far from her, and then jumped back.
"Hey, I want you to know that I will do things for a long time --term parking.
I don't want you to drive me to the airport so early. ”“I don’t mind.
If we put her in the back, she will fall asleep right away.
"No, you can sleep.
The company will be responsible.
"He went to the place where Greta was sitting and kissed her overhead.
"My God, your hair smells good," he said . "
She longed for praise and asked, "What does it smell like ? ".
"Apple," he said after prolonged inhalation. “Green apples.
He turned to go, but she grabbed his hand.
"Don't go," she said.
"Only three days.
She pulled him tightly, put her arms around his waist, and pressed her cheeks against his stomach.
When the hormone accelerates her body to think it has to get pregnant, it seems unfair that his stomach remains firm and hard while her stomach is soft.
"No, I mean don't leave now. This second.
We never had time without Charlotte. . .
"However, you want to do it all again.
She returned from him and looked up at his face.
He corrected: "You are not referring to us, nor are you referring to the sacred concept of" we "as we speak.
Part 3, as she jumped into the room and saw her parents hugging, she jumped down the hallway in her hurried footsteps and entered the kitchen.
"I saw it," she said knowingly.
This is the habit she developed when she was five years old.
Greta wants to know where it is
During a play, did she hear anyone else say what the children were talking about all day in the strange neighborhood of Montessori School, and not far behind, Theresa approached the kitchen.
She stopped at the door and turned her weight from her foot to her foot as if she were waiting for permission to enter.
Greta was annoyed. she tried to hide her troubles and motioned Theresa to come in.
Greta seems to think that Theresa is one of those girls who spend all their time on forced life, and apparently she tries not to force life.
Almost everything Theresa said or did broadcast the message "I won't accept it for myself.
You have to give it to me.
So Greta felt obliged to invite her to sit down, provide her with food, ask her about her life, but get the same elusive monosyllabic answer.
Their conversation inevitably fell into silence within minutes.
"Those scales sound great! ” Greta said.
"Her fingers are becoming more and more confident --
Theresa muttered, "Can you hear me ? ".
"I can certainly hear it," Philip said . ".
He grabbed Charlotte and hugged her tightly. she struggled for the show.
"You are my smartest girl.
He gave her an exaggerated kiss on the top of her head, and then set her free with open arms.
She staggered forward, and then returned to his embrace, where he held her in a display familiar to their father --
The daughter choreographed.
Greta was in a hurry to finish their dinner.
She deliberately fed Charlotte early to give her and Philip a chance to have dinner on her own.
Their daughter's long and difficult bedtime journey is coming, and Philip leaves in the morning and she desperately wants to spend at least 15 minutes alone with him before the hormone drug puts her to sleep.
These days, the slight touch of her cheek on the cotton pillowcase made her eyes heavy.
She knew she was supposed to eat Theresa.
This is what she learned in the house where she grew up, where anyone who accidentally passed by would get their place on the table before being asked.
There is more reason to know that Theresa will refuse.
But she might say yes.
No matter how insignificant, there is a chance. Greta doesn't want to accept it.
"I'll take you to the car," Philip said to Theresa . ".
As Theresa quietly followed Philip along the hall to the front door, Charlotte climbed up her feet and ran after them.
Just so late, when she was fat and tired, Charlotte had no idea where her private space was over.
Her arms became elastic, struggling and running too fast to inevitably see the edge of the table, the corner angle of the hallway or the smooth bathroom tiles.
Recently Greta found her sticker collection in Charlotte's bedroom so she can stick them on all the flat glass windows, for fear that one night if there is no mark, her daughter will fly over.
Charlotte ran and shouted, "Theresa, I want to hug you --bye!
Greta got up and followed them, and came to the front door, just as Charlotte threw himself at Theresa.
She collided with her with such strength that Greta heard Theresa take a breath involuntarily.
She took a step back wobbly and accidentally dropped the violin.
Somehow Philip caught it before it landed.
"Easy, Charlotte, it's easy now," he motioned his daughter out of herself with the violin.
"Loty, see you next week," Theresa muttered.
This is a nickname Greta has never used, but what surprised her most was that Charlotte did not respond.
It must not be the first time her daughter heard the news.
"Well, that's enough," said Philip, touching Charlotte's shoulder.
"You will see her soon. Say good-bye now.
But Charlotte only caught it tighter.
Theresa laughed nervously.
She looked helplessly at Philip with her eyes wide open.
Greta noticed that Phillip's expression became stiff and Greta's signal stepped in.
"Charlotte," Greta said, raising his voice.
"I will count to three, and then there will be a consequence. One . . . two . . .
Charlotte released Theresa just before Greta was three years old.
Then she leaned forward quickly and kissed Theresa's breast on purpose --
First left, then right.
Theresa panted and instinctively crossed her arms to cover her chest.
When she looked apologetically at Greta and Philip and then was disappointed, her face turned red and was clearly confused by their daughter.
Both parents were shocked.
Charlotte looked at them and challenged with a smile. “Charlotte!
But before he could say anything, she had already gone to her room.
They heard the door slamming behind her.
He said to Greta, "What the fuck ? ".
"I will deal with it," she told Philip . ".
I don't know what happened to her.
Theresa smiled and waved with disdain.
"The children love me," she said . "
"Come on, I'll take you out," said Philip, looking back at Greta.
"I will be there in a minute.
Greta set out along the corridor, ready to begin a long sleeping process, calculating in her mind how many books she needed to read before she turned off the lights and her husband lying in her own bed.
* Philip came back in a few minutes and heard that Theresa accidentally locked his key in the car, interrupting Charlotte's supervised brushing of his teeth.
"I don't understand. How did she —
"They are in her wallet," he said . "“She forgot.
"Is she three times ? "A or . . .
Greta found that Philip had the key to Volvo in his hand and left.
"You didn't drive her home, did you ? " Charlotte had toothpaste in her mouth and jumped.
Greta put her hand on her daughter's shoulder and guided her back to the bathroom sink.
Charlotte put her little hands together, rinse her mouth and spit.
"Her sister has a spare key, but she is stuck at home and can't come over. ”“I wanna come!
She ran to her father and stood on his feet with her own feet.
It's past your bedtime.
Next time, I promise. ”“Mean Daddy!
She ran out of the bedroom and walked down the hall to her room, slamming the door again.
He sighed and turned off the tap Charlotte left. “Phillip!
You left in the morning!
Can't she take a taxi ? " Greta tried to sound reasonable but did not cover up the need with his own voice. “It’s not far.
I will come back before you have a chance to wash your face, "he said, and then kissed her quickly.
"You dare not fall asleep without me!
"In the fourth part, the mother and daughter curl up together in a narrow double bed.
The hair was brushed, the books were read, the wardrobe was checked for monsters, and the night lights strategically placed around the room.
Greta used her fingers through Charlotte's hair to try to keep up with the end of the conversation while her eyes were tired and sore.
She wondered if Philip had left Theresa's sister's house and if he would try to multitasking on his way home --
As his advisor's brain tells him, use every moment wisely (
Tell her often).
Pick up the bread, salad wrap and two-
Percentage of milk from localfour-
He may try to buy an earlier version of The Wall Street Journal or The Times, although he can buy both versions online;
For years, he still insisted on buying the print version.
"I like the stain of ink on my fingers.
"She remembers that he said this to her at graduate school when he was doing an MBA, which made her sexy and awkward.
Charlotte stretched out Greta's arm and scratched the back of her neck.
"If I had grown extra arms and legs, they were hairy like spiders, would you still love me? " Charlotte asked ? ".
"Yes, I will," Greta replied . " There is really no need though.
It's not a game about answers, it's a game about questions.
How outrageous, how unpleasant, how terrible we will become, we will still be deeply loved.
"Well," said Greta, "come back two more times, and then I go to bed.
"Where is Dad, I also want a dad who snuggle together.
"Not tonight, dear.
He will kiss you when he gets home.
Charlotte's body was stiff for a moment, ready to fight, but yawned when exhaustion overpowered the urge to protest. “And what if . . .
I have a nose like this. "Charlotte picked up her little finger and pressed her nose down, a bit off.
"This has always been the case. . . or, no.
"She raised her head to be examined by Greta and frowned when she saw her eyes closed.
"Mom, you have to see!
Greta opened his eyes half way and glanced at his daughter.
"Well, because it's only Tuesday. . .
"No, that's always been the case," Charlotte answered the question.
"Yes, I will still love you.
Greta sighed and closed his eyes again.
"One more, dear, so do it well.
Charlotte was silent for a moment.
Greta can feel more sleep than she starts.
She tries to breathe at the same pace as her daughter, making as little noise as possible in order to gently put her to sleep.
The trick is to let her sleep without falling asleep.
She hopes to take a shower and change into beautiful clothes.
Maybe Philip bought her cotton lace pajamas in Spain.
They took off from school together years ago.
He saw her decorating with lace with her fingers, and before putting it back on the shelf, asked the old woman the cost in the Spanish language she stopped.
In those days it was more than she allowed herself to spend on clothes.
There are no more than a hundred dollars in student loans and wedding expenses they want to save.
As she took a nap at pensione, Philip went through the maze of Andalusian streets to find her way back to the little shop and bought her pajamas.
When she woke up, he showed her this with such childish pride that her heart was filled with love for him.
She put it on in order for him to take off his clothes.
Oh, my God, how much she misses him.
How did she miss Charlotte's intimate relationship in previous years, when they would only use their eyes, words or promises to stimulate each other's interest --
After class or after a party.
In those days, they will come to each other breathlessly from the pure power of desire, and make love until their bodies resist them, leaving two men trembling, happy and primitive.
Charlotte's sleepy voice brought her back to the present. “And what if . . .
I don't love you. will you still love me ? "
She looked at her daughter in the profile.
How much she looks like him!
Fair skin and freckles, even the same blue veins on the forehead.
Slender nose and Greenand-blue sea-
Glass-like eyes and curly golden lashes.
Her daughter doesn't seem to have anything on her own face.
Of course, this is not important.
She read somewhere that the child was born like a father, so that he had a clear father certificate that he would not abandon the child, or, worse, not attack the child.
Charlotte proved Philip's strength.
She's a replica of him.
Could this be a vague motivation to do so again? In order to create a child that looks like her and not her husband, she may be Charlotte stiicgreta and Phillip who have tried to have a second child since Charlotte was two years old, but failed.
Their failure surprised both of them because they gave birth to their daughter within a few weeks after Greta stopped birth --control pills.
It seems impossible to try and fail for such a long time without pregnancy.
But a few months later a few years have passed and they finally have to accept that they will be one of those statistics.
They have considered adopting children, but Greta is concerned that doing so may benefit their biological children.
Greta's mother was raised by her stepfather, who gave more tolerance and care to her half-brother and sister, greta can never completely silence the mother's voice "it's better to have all adopted children --
Don't mix the two together
"The transition to assisted conception is gradual.
They bought the book Philip tried to ask questions for the doctor.
Greta learned to check her cervical fluid and make a fertility chart.
They make love based on her basic body temperature fluctuations.
Doctors started taking low-dose Clomid Greta, and several attempts at "Turkish Buster" were unsuccessful.
When they are ready to try
They're already nervous about IVF.
They were silently afraid of it and exhausted.
They will wait in the doctor's waiting room like tired soldiers, in a battle that seems to have lost.
"It is important to maintain a positive attitude!
"The Chinese nurse of their first doctor will tell Greta when she is looking for intravenous blood.
In order to maintain the mental state of the patient, Liu Jin wong likes to quote inspirational maxims.
"You will never get there if you are in a hurry," or "a journey of thousands of miles begins with one step.
When Greta repeated these clichés to Philip, who perfectly imitated the laughing accent, he told her that Liu Chin should shut up and write for the greeting --card company.
Her husband's reply caused her displeasure.
At worst they always make each other laugh.
It's one of the things she feels they rely on when everything else shakes --
When his parents died or his nephew went missing, they found that he had been smoking heroin since he dropped out of school at the age of 15.
In such an era, the only reliable thing is the comfort of their love, the thing she believes most.
She understood at this moment that she had never answered Charlotte's question. “Yes.
"I will love you," she whispered to her daughter's hair.
"Even if you don't love me.
I love you forever.
"* What makes us afraid of revelation, because its design allows us to be held, suspended, hovering in our own lives, witnessing it, yes, but not remembering
Choose not to remember.
Shy eyes, nervous tenor, new gym members, unnecessary errands.
What's stopping our attention, or if we notice it, it's important not to tell yourself the details.
We need attention.
Because if we don't. . .
So, what keeps us away from what we know, should know whether it is true, true ignorance, or a kind of kindness that we give ourselves, a part of us takes over it.
Put it off until we're stronger, it says if it has a voice we can hear.
You're not ready yet.
You're not ready yet.
Let others see it, but not me. Spare me this.
Part 5 in the morning, Greta woke up and heard the shower, three days later.
She was lying alone in bed.
Twice in the evening, she reached Philip's hand and found it empty.
She thought about getting up and going to his office, where he might handle the case as often as he did before his business trip, but the bed was warm and Charlotte would definitely get up at six, she was asked to pay attention.
At least that's what she told herself.
She got out of bed and went to the bathroom.
Philip stood in the shower with his eyes closed and the hot water flowed over his head.
The moon shines directly on him from the skylight above, and his pale skin looks more pale in the light.
She stared at him and thought he looked like a holy man.
He opened his eyes and panted as soon as he saw her. “Jesus!
He said put the palm on the left side of the chest and above the heart. “You’re awake. ”“So are you.
Greta stands outside the open tile shower in cotton pajamas.
He did not give any instructions if he noticed it was a pajamas.
He picked up the soap, washed it clean with his hand, then put it on his body, and when he took a shower between his legs, he left her.
"You were already asleep when I got home," he said to her from his shoulder.
"I hope I didn't wake you up.
He put the soap back, but the soap slipped out of the stand and fell to the floor and found its place on the drain.
He left it there.
She said, "When did you get home ? "
"After I put Charlotte to bed, I tried to stay up late and read for a while,-
"How is she? " she's fine.
"Very good, very good," he said.
Greta pulled the pajamas up from the head and let it fall to the floor.
She stood for a moment, waiting for him to see her naked body.
He looked at her, smiled dimly, and then looked away.
She asked when she entered the shower without an invitation: "Can I join you ? ".
He walked aside and said, "I'm almost done . ".
She bent down and picked up the soap.
"Let me be your backing," she said . ".
She rubbed the soap on his wide shoulder, along his back, then put the soap aside and wiped his warm smooth skin with her hands.
Her hand bypassed his body and went down his stomach to find his penis.
Soft and Wet.
She held it in her hand like a petite animal.
"I'm really tired," he said in an apology . ".
She took her hand away and turned him around to face her.
"It's okay, dear.
We shouldn't be like that anyway. ”“Right.
"Remember, when you're not there, no --
"I know," he said.
She noticed the edge of his voice. “Hey.
She put her hand on his face.
"Don't do that," she said . ". “I’m sorry.
He took a deep breath.
"I'm really tired.
"I know," she said.
He said, "Are you ready to give a speech ? "
"Most of the time," she stepped back and looked at him.
"After three --
"I mean yes," he said . "
"It's a difficult process, and some data is just. . .
The details are not clear. . .
He shook his head and went on.
Suddenly he pulled her to him and hugged her.
"It's okay," she said . "
"I'm sure once you go in and sit with them all
It was then that she noticed that his body was shaking.
"Philip," she said, but he just held her tighter.
She saw tears now, which scared her.
It is so rare for Philip to cry;
The last time Charlotte fell from the school's Monkey Bar and briefly lost consciousness.
When Greta finally got through Philip's international phone and told him that the test was just a "slight concussion" and that he didn't need to fly home, he began to cry so badly that he had to pull to the side of the road.
"I'm sorry," he said. “I’m so sorry.
Greta asked, "for what ? "
He did not answer.
She repeated it.
The water began to cool.
She extended her arm under him and turned her hand to the left.
Philip's eyes are bloodshot, the sea.
Glass is in sharp contrast to red.
"Everything will be fine," she told him . ".
He held her tight.
"Did you hear that? " she said ? ". “Yes.
His voice sounds small.
"Oh God," he said, and began to speak, but caught lived these words in his throat.
"I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me, I. . .
"It's okay," she said . "
"Everything will be fine.
Do you understand ? " Greta was surprised by the authority she heard in her own voice.
"Everything will be fine.
She repeated it again.
And again and again.