Amanda, Liz, Dan and Diana Welch grew up in a wealthy community in Bedford, NY. Y.
Born to charming, successful parents.
A series of devastating losses then subverted their childhood lives: in 1983, their oil executive father was killed in a car accident, leaving a huge debt, and three years later, their mother died of cancer.
In kids nothing: Memoirs, everyone describes what's going on next with humility, frankness and humor.
Dan became a hellion and was eventually expelled from a boarding school.
Amanda took drugs and dropped out of New York University.
A neighbor reconsider her adoption after Diana was a teenager.
Meanwhile, Liz is running around to get rid of all this.
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Do you think your life has become a disaster?
Oh boy, you have to grow. -
Our mother died three times.
We recorded the first death on the tape, recording the day it aired on 1976: Morgan feizhao, wearing a trench coat and light pink lips
Gloss, shoot her in the back.
Over the past 30 years, each of us has watched the tape several times, taking it out of the dusty cardboard moving box, crossing it with fingers, and it won't be eaten by the VCR.
This is the only one we have.
Morgan started the scene when Jennifer Pace hid in the dark corridor.
Our mother plays Eunice Wyatt in the soap opera find tomorrow and is kissing actor Val Dufour
See you at their apartment gate.
His square chin and the jaw of the dimples are an orange bronze color.
As Eunice's derailed husband, John Wyatt, Val is wearing a conservative suit and tie, but we know he's a short skirt and feather bodice that used to be worn at our parents' annual Christmas party
The music sounded.
After returning to the apartment, our mother left the camera and a loud noise.
On the back of her pink satin gown a small dark red circle appeared.
The next shot is close. up.
Our mother's face was filled with the breath of death, showing her upper teeth.
So ten years of our mother
In the long run Eunice Gardner's Matino Wyatt is over.
It was her third soap opera and her longest one.
She appeared in 1962 as young doctor Marlon Erica Brandt, and in 1964 she was named after the original doctor
Dr. Maggie Fielding.
Amanda was born in 1965 and is the oldest of Welch's four children.
She was introduced to soap fans on a high-profile dial-up show in the day Star magazine, titled "baby who took Ann Williams from TV ".
"We still have this article, which is now turning yellow as we get older, hiding in the Manila folder that Momm insisted on more than 40 years ago.
When Liz was born in 1969, her mother had been an actor in Eunice for three years.
Instead of being completely canceled, Euniceone collapsed and was temporarily sent to a psychiatric hospital.
Eunice was born in 1971 and was so popular that pregnancy was written into the show.
But when Jennifer shot Eunice, her mother was not pregnant;
According to rumorhad, Dan's godmother, Mary Stuart, is jealous of her mother's fan mail.
That's what mom told us anyway.
Diana was born in 1977. a year ago, her mother starred in villainousMargo Huntington in the edge of the night.
This reminds us of the mother's second death: Margo was hit by a fire poker
After her body was discovered, her storyline lasted for several weeks.
Margo has many enemies;
She is a successful businesswoman who owns the only television station in Monticello.
Her storyline involves an illegal child, a false marriage to an ex-boyfriend
Cult leaders and pornography
During the Margo period as part of their after-sales service
In the school chores, mom asked stedamanda and Liz to record her episodes on our VCR, the first one recorded on suitcase, and it was the size of
In the evening, when she came home from the day of filming, mom labeled each tape with a date, program name and episode number and placed it on the shelf in her study in chronological order.
Today, there are only five tapes left and the labels fall off the dust, which weakens the glue and their images get rough and worn out.
Amanda is the reason we have any tapes: after our mother's third and actual death, Amanda put the tapes in the box and followed our father's death for three and a half years, store them in a friend's garage and drive through the state line.
They have been packed, unpacked, mailed and entered video recorders in New York, Virginia, and Texas.
They are our biography heir, a vague, dusty person, linked to a waitress who is considered Eunice or Margo but we know.
Now looking at them, we see the bits and pieces of our lives on the screen.
Diamond Eunice was really worn by her father in her early 60 s. after seeing her for a few months, she was worn to her mother.
At his home in Bedford, New York, Margo drank 80 years of red heart with coffee in the kitchen sink.
Fifteen years later, Diana wore a yellow organza dress, announcing her engagement with the cultural leader, and tripped over acid at the junior ball.
Although the ring was stolen a few years ago and the cup was long gone, Amanda kept the dress like she did a tape, grandfather Zhong and Etruscan suitcase.
Like mom, she timed the clock by the hour and filled the suitcase with sheets and blankets.
Like mom, she saved the manila folder with magazine clippings that record the highlights of our mom's career.
"Ann Williams: 'I have better feelings for children and animals than adults!
"At the beginning of 1976 articles on daily TV gossip, there is a bold title.
It records the life of the 14-year-old twin grass.
Where we grew up.
In the movie, mom described Amanda, then 10, as a "serious man" who likes to ride a pony and wants to be an animal train one day ".
Six, it's a step-by-step genius. you can't beat her!
Also the "most given person", one willing to give up her dessert so that the other child will not be left with the desired person.
Four-year-old Daniel is a "lover" who "practices his best Clark Gable mood" in his mother ".
She said that he also has "vivid imagination" and likes to go hunting in the backyard with his father ".
"They shot them out of the tree.
Diana was not born yet.
In a photo that came with this article, Amanda, Liz and Dana were all piled up on mom's lap.
On the other hand, Amanda and Dan take photos with their stuffed animals.
There's a dad, his salt. and-
The hair of the pepper is like Kennedy, separated on one side and tilted back.
He had a nice rainbow-colored face with spots and dimples and a pair of smiling eyes.
They called him an investment banker.
He had only been on TV with his mom once and attended a wedding show called Tattletales, where Amanda, Liz and Dan remember what they watched when they were kids.
Every time my father answered the wrong answer, my mother patted the air, smiled and shrugged.
Diana saw the black picture taken. and-
On the day the program was broadcast, the white TV set.
Mom sat on her father's lap and bit her lower lip.
He looks nervous and serious, although he is not in real life.
Amanda has a photo in many family photo albums that sticks beneatha thin plastic sheets and other photos to prove where we came from and who we were before everything changed: our parents were hunting foxes, their red coats and caps;
A childhood birthday party with frosted cakes, lighted candles and paper hats;
Horse shows with ribbons and trophies;
Picnic on the beach and Thanksgiving dinner.
Amanda has a couple of 16-
MM-grade family movies made by mom and dad, their voices swing and deep.
One year, as a Christmas gift, Dan edited the movie together and layered itbut-
In addition to the slow and distorted narrative, there are interesting songs such as motley Crewe's Sweet Home and Elvis Presley's Don't Cry Daddy.
Five years later, it was our eighth Christmas together as a family.
Our separation and subsequent reunions strengthen the importance of the ritual of childhood.
That Christmas Eve was the same as before: we prepared a Yorkshire pudding and roast beef dinner, and hung up four patchwork stockings made by our mother, which is our name --
There are white manpower racks on each cuff.
We decorated the tree with old family decorations and placed a golden paper Basin
The foundation of mâché nursery.
Then, according to another tradition of Welch, each of us gave a small gift.
Amanda opened a family from Dan.
Our new family movie
On that Christmas Eve in 1998, we watched our father hold Amandaup in the window of their apartment in New York, so she could see the Thanksgiving parade in the west of Central Park. We watched him hold her at the christening ceremony of St. her.
Patrick's Cathedral, when she sat on his lap for her first birthday and tried to eat her card.
We looked at our mother, swollen from birth, waving a smile at the camera, holding a fat newborn Liz in her arms.
We watched a firm Liz tepup in tights and fancy shoes struggling on a grassy hill with an Easter basketball almost as big as her.
We watched Amanda wave in front of the camera and shoot Dan on the back while he was lying down --
In his cradle, she said, "Hi, Mom.
"We watched Liz help Dan take off his little terryclothrobe on the beach at Cape Cod, and then she let him sit on the beach and run in the waves to chase Amanda.
We watched the three of them splash around our pool and they were either supported by foam or in a bikini and big sun hat.
It wasn't until the tape was over that Diana was personalised in those warm sunshine
Splash scenes recorded by our parents, saved by Amanda, edited by Dan and scored. It madesense.
The family movies recorded idyllic times, and Diana did not recall much.
1982-1983 summer, Lizi wants to be an actor like a mother.
In the fall of 1981, I wanted to play Jon Voyt's daughter in the movie five, but then Ricky Schroeder was elected son.
We were all blonde and the director wanted her to be a brunette so I went out.
At least that's what mom explained to me.
In the spring of the following year, I took another audition.
This time, I took part in the sister of Mary El Hemingway in 80 stars.
Mariel plays the Playboy Playmate dorothy Stratten who was killed by her jealous husband.
Mom thought I had a good chance because I was as long as Mariel, with blonde hair, black eyebrows and a square chin.
Even I was surprised.
Some people say I look like Brooke Shields, but her hair is brown and her eyes are brown, so it doesn't make any sense to me.
Mom picked me up from school early to Manhattan.
Usually, it's endless embarrassment for her to come to me.
She will also take part in volleyball training in formal attire.
Instead of brushing her teeth, her big dip sunglasses were put on a silk scarf and wrapped around her hair.
What's worse, Yoo-
"Across the court, I didn't know she was there and she waved her arms at me.
She can't miss it.
She wore a floor in the winter months
It looks like a long coat of deadcollie, which has been skinned, has been turned out from inside.
This is really sad.
But she was waiting in the parking lot that afternoon and looked charming.
Her brown hair curled underneath and combed into a funky bob, her garden dress replaced by a silk shirt and burgundy kneehigh boots.
This is her city costume.
Usually, mom likes to help me prepare the scene while driving into town for a long time, but this afternoon she has other things to do.
As we drove out of the lane of FoxLane middle school, she said: "Lizzie Bits, you will be bait . ".
"You distract your father when I set it up.
"That weekend, she was planning a surprise party for her father's 50 th birthday, and she invited an old friend of John Hopkins University, a business partner of her father's brother and sister Houston, friends of the Bedford Golf and Tennis Club and the golf Bridge hound.
More than 50 people were injured, but dad didn't know.
"I'll make egg wine," she said excitedly as we drove along Bedford's crowded dirt road, lined with stone walls and ancient oak trees.
"We will use big bowls," she added . ".
"We need all the good crystals.
Mom started cutting.
In 1964, when she married her dad, the glass collection, for the past 18 years, she managed to fill the shelves of the butler's pantry, in the narrow hallway between our restaurant and the kitchen.
She also has cake platters, platters and champagne cups, a plusa dish specially designed for celery and also for devil eggs.
"I'm going to make lamb stew and Irish soda bread," she continued, opening Interstate 684 and her diamond engagement ring grabbed and released the afternoon sun.
"There is also an angel cake for dessert.
"Angel cake is my father's favorite and my favorite.
On my third birthday a month ago, my mother made me an angel cake with strawberries and whipped cream.
She wanted me to keep my dad away from home for three hours on Saturday afternoon.
I stared at the messy pine forest brush outside the window.
I need to come up with a good plan. Dad was smart.
He pays attention to the details.
Even on weekends, he was wearing a tight shirt and trousers.
It will be difficult to deceive him.
After a few minutes of silence, I asked, "What if I asked him to take me?
The sound of the mother is like a buzzer of the game program. "Wrong answer. Try again. "Typical.
Mom never wants to take me shopping, when she goes shopping, she will let me buy things only when the discount.
On the other hand, Dad will put me at the checkout counter at Stamford Bloomingdale and tell me to meet him at the checkout counter in 20 minutes.
It was because of him that I became the first girl at Fox Lane Middle School to have Jordan's jeans.
I got Kelly in our last bash-
Ralph Lauren, Green
The knitted sweater I wore during my audition that day.
"How about tennis? " I offered.
"I asked him to play a set.
"That winter, I took a tennis class at Chestnut Ridge, an indoor tennis club in town.
I can show my new and improved overhead services.
It's a perfect strategy, mom agrees.
We arrived quickly in the suburbs of the city.
Dim buildings replace trees along the road from two lanes to four lanes.
All of a sudden, the butter scent of vanilla cookies pervades diesel and gasoline;
A few minutes later, the Stella de Oro factory roared past.
"Liqi, lock the door," mother told us as we approached the third bridge.
She always says here.
Not anywhere in Bedford or Westchester County, but here when we are about to enter Manhattan through Harlem, Spain.
After we stopped, we passed a blind man who sold pencils. "Canwe buy one? " I asked.
She shook her head and panted: "He makes more money than you.
"I wonder if this is true.
In addition to my weekly allowance for feeding dogs and loading dishwashers, the only money I earn is 100
Fivedolars, grade 7, model the Macy's catalog, and make a five-dollar model for a jelly.
The pudding ad I made when I was eight.
I had so many bowls of chocolate pudding that my stomach was hurting.
After the 12 th shoot, when the director said "action", I looked at the camera instead of saying "it was so delicious!
I said, I think I'm going to vomit.
Then I did it.
I had to make a sad scene for the star 80 audition.
The waiting room was in a mess: Young girls wiped their lips with a gloss and brushed their hair to the right place, while their mother filled out the phone card and handed in a photo of her head.
My mom and I found a quiet corner in the back stairwell.
She is more interested in craft than cosmetics.
"Never rely on your looks, Elizabeth," she warned . ".
"They will only make you thirty years old.
"People always say that mom is beautiful, and on the wall of her study in her home, I can see the pictures and avatars she used to have.
My favorite photo is the signature of Bert Reynolds, "dedicated to the most beautiful girl in New York, Dear Bert. Mom has guests-
On his police show Hawk.
It was before smokey and robber Beverly Anderson became famous.
With the actor lens of the pyjamas game, the mother is wearing a silk shirt that barely covers her skirt, and a close-fitting --
In her place, he looks like a young Ingrid Bergman, her chestnut bob Kissinger's plump lips curled, and her big brown eyes hypnotized the camera.
In another photo, she clapped in the dressing room of Lauren bacore.
Lauren was wearing Kraft and holding her mother's hand. They were all laughing.
But those pictures were taken in my mother's twenties.
When the skin is tight, her hair is naturally dark brown, her eyes are sparkling and bright. Now, at forty-
Six, her hair became brittle, and from the work of two perm and dyeing, her skin became more swollen, like unbaked bread.
It used to be six yards. mom is now having a hard time getting into twelve yards. she blames her bad luck in booking a job on the middle --aged.
"I am too young to be a grandmother or a mother," she often lamented . ".
That said, it didn't stop her from working on her craft.
She went to the Actor's Studio every week to see the work scene and often asked me to go home with her to see the lines.
She studied with Lee Strasberg and she taught me what she knew.
It is called the proxy method.
In this audition, my character just learned that her sister was killed.
Mom made me imagine the most terrible thing.
When we found Frodo? " I asked.
My cat is Frodo.
He is black and purple when you look at him.
He went missing for a few days in winter and we finally found him on West patent Road, about 50 yards from our driveway, his skull smashed on the sidewalk and his fur was dry blood
"Even more sad," the mother urged . ".
"You have to live in this character, Bitsy.
Imagine if Frodo is the one you love.
"I closed my eyes and replaced the broken skull of Frodo with my dad's skull, and the real tears began to boil deep inside me.
When I read the lines, they slowly began to bubble.
"Well, stay there," said mom, as the casting director plunged into the corridor. "Annie? " she said.
All the casting agents in New York know mom.
"He is ready for her.
"I walked into the audition room and sat on a sofa facing Bob forth.
He had thick eyes, thick beard and thin hair.
No one else in the room.
"As long as you are ready," he said kindly.
When I read it, tears came down from my face.
I looked up and saw it.
Fox's eyes sparkled too.
"Very good," he said.
"Very, very good.
"The first time I left the audition like a real actress.
After all, dad may not be that hard.
A few days later, on the morning of the party, I ran downstairs and asked my father if he wanted to play tennis.
He was sitting at the breakfast table, watching the Wall Street Journal, and putting his reading glasses in the middle of his nose.
His head kept approaching the side of the paper, but his eyes moved a bit so they looked at the glasses and looked at me.
"So, do you think you can beat your old man?
"He said in a blink of an eye.
Dad doesn't look old.
50 years old and 30 years old his biggest difference in wedding photos
Second, now his hair has changed from black to salt. and-
Pepper, although the same red
His body may have become a bit thicker, but it's still moving --
Cut the lower leg and have a wide chest. don't spare an ounce of fat.
He's only five years old. feet-
8 inch, but he was captain of the football team and basketball team in high school.
He carefully observed his weight and was proud that he always left a bite on the plate at the end of each meal. "Self-
He likes to say: "restraint is a virtue . "
We were all wearing white tennis uniforms that afternoon.
Dad was wearing a short-sleeved shirt and his arms and legs became spotted with age.
I have mom's skin.
The spotless pale turned golden in the sun.
I was wearing a sweat band on my wrist and when I was sitting in the front seat of the Mercedes, I saw my dad wearing a sweat band as well.
He said with a smile, "just like a father likes a daughter . " Then we left.
We played back and forth for two hours.
I won the first set and dad won the second.
Although I was third, I began to worry about time in the middle.
Even though it was fun to leave Dad alone, I knew I had to get him home by 6.
This is all.
"Dad, are we over?
I shouted online.
The score is 2 to 1. it's dad's turn to serve. "I'm pooped.
"Dad's white tennis shorts had a ball in his front pocket and a ball in his hand, he played it a few times and said in a disappointed tone," Elizabeth Morgan Welch, what is my motto?
"If you don't do it right, don't do it at all?
"I said awkwardly, I didn't figure it out.
We will, of course.
Bob Welch's kids didn't give up!
This is his other favorite.
"The only thing you have to do in your life is death and taxes" is the same, which I have never fully understood.
"Yes," he said. "Ready?
He did well in his serve.
There's the next one.
I came back for the third time and we had a good bounce back and forth.
I have won this point and the third set and I am still wondering if he will allow me until today.
It was already six. we were late.
I kept a cool facade, but when we turned into the driveway, the butterfly in my stomach had turned into a puff --dancing frogs.
Dad was still talking about tennis and how I should think about joining the youth team at Bedford Golf and Tennis Club that summer as we started to rise along the narrow eight miles --
A long tired sidewalk split in the middle like the amessy part.
It wasn't until we drove through the opening of the privet hedge that dad saw the car and the privet hedge provided our house with gray wooden tiles and hunters-
Green Blinds in addition to the rest of the hotel.
Instead of parking the gravel circle in front of the house in Lyon, they parked on the right side of the garage and even on the lawn by the pool, near the wing.
He pulled to an empty place next to the front door and turned to me and said, "Elizabeth, what happened?
"Not very serious, but he has an intuition.
I shrugged and said, "Let's look for it.
"I have practiced that moment in my mind, and I took it off calmly, leaving a deep impression.
When we got off the bus, I could hear the quiet voice of the people waiting inside.
Several silhouettes flashed through the window of the living room.
A shadow squats over, maybe one person squats down, another shadow is heading towards the front door, the other one looks like a fourheaded blob.
I walked in front and pushed the front door open.
The lights are on, "Surprise!
The whole house was ringing.
Mom rushed to us in the floor.
The color of lemon shortcrust pie and pale peach
Sandals I always wanted to wear-up.
Her hair was swept back from her face by two tortotorto Combs.
"Happy Birthday, Dear," she said, as she put her arms around my stunned, smiling father.
People who are important to dad are there.
His sister and brother and old friends in college
My brothers and sisters stand in front.
Diana was dressed in green velvet.
Her unruly red curly hair was coaxed into two turtles when she shouted "Surprise!
In her sweet fouryear-
It sounds more like a Sesame Street puppet than a man's old voice.
Dan stood next to her, and although there were six years between them, they looked like twins, and their red hair, freckles and dimples pierced their cheeks whenever they smiled.
In the crowded room, everyone is smiling, and even Amanda, she usually wears her anger like a badge of honor.
Chubby sixteen years oldyear-
She has the hairstyle of Pat Benatar shag, she hates to dress up and prefers her ripped jeans and concert T-shirts.
She is wearing a skirt this evening.
I turned around and looked up at my father, who was beaming.
"Well done, Toots," he winked, and then swallowed by a group of people who stretched out their arms.
I went upstairs to change my clothes. when I came down, the party was in full swing, but my father disappeared.
Then he showed up again in taintara pants and a refreshing white button --
Down jacket, bow tie, Navy-blue blazer.
The mother suddenly said, "because he is a happy good guy," and the whole crowd joined in.
About an hour later, my mother drank a glass of champagne to get everyone's attention.
She said it was time to give gifts to Amanda and Dan.
They walked into the living room with a rectangular gift and handed it to Dad.
He sat on our Jin sofa and when he undid the bow neatly and then slipped a finger under the corner of the tape, the whole party gathered to watch, be careful not to tear the paper
This is a family tree.
Since she saw "root" on TV, her mother has been fascinated by the family tree.
She has been working for our family history at the New York Public Library for the last six months and dad doesn't know she's going to audition.
She marked each name, date of birth and place with a gold and silver pen.
At the top of both. by-four-
The mother wrote in thick ivory paper, "Ann Morgan Williams married Robert Daniel Peter welchin in September 19, 1964"
Perfect curly-haired cursive
Our name and date of birth: "Amanda Gordon Welch, August 15, 1965," Elizabeth Morgan Welch, February 3, 1969, "Daniel Merriman Welch, september 30, 1977 "floats above our parents' names like balloons tied. Dad beamed.
At the bottom right, you can see his family coming to Boston from Ireland in the early 1900 s.
On the left, you can see that at the age of 1600, the mother's family came to Maryland from Scotland and Wales.
One of Mary Bauer's ancestors married Augustine Washington.
They have a son named George.
"Bob, your child is a descendant of the first president of the United States," Mom boasted when dad studied the tree.
"Bob, it's not on your side," Aunt Barbara shouted in the crowd.
She is dad's sister and she pronounces his name with a strong Boston accent, so it sounds like "Bab ".
"You're right," said Uncle gogolas of dad, interjecting all his brothers and sisters laughing, their unique Welch laughing and sounding like a drunken joy
Aunt Gail, Dad's youngest sister, gave a gift next.
This is a potato. She wrote a poem on it with a calligraphy pen, decorated with small green clover and shells.
"To keep you in touch with your roots," she said.
The room became quiet and someone mumbled "How sweet" and then Barbara gave him a gift.
This is a book after the age of 50.
All pages are blank.
The room was full of laughter.
AMANDAI hangs our family tree on the wall in my house in Virginia, where I have most of our biography heir
The hands of two old grandfathers
Carved wooden Etruscan trunks, even some unfinished oil paintings of cows on our great beach
Auntie did the same when she was at the ororcoran Art Gallery in Washington, D. C. C.
It was interesting because when I was 16 I was very concerned about our family tree.
I don't even like my family.
Why should I care who's in front of them?
It was then that I stopped my family trip.
One month after dad's birthday, everyone except me went to Myrtle Beach for spring break.
I use animals as an excuse.
Mom is a homeless fan.
In addition to three dogs, two cats and a litter of kittens, we also have a group of horses.
"Who will feed the horses and get their booth dirty? " Iargued.
But seriously, I just don't want to do any family nonsense. I was a ju -
Nior from high school, a fat and unhealthy person who wants to ride my horse, listen to my records and smoke marijuana with my friends.
Of course I don't want to go on a family holiday. To do what?
Go to the beach with mini golf?
I hate the beach.
What are you doing on the beach?
Put sand in your bathroom and get your cracks on?
So mom and dad agreed to let me stay at home alone. It was great. I hada party.
We had gin and tonic, and we had it.
This is my first fainting.
Lisa mom and dad may be sad Amanda didn't come to my beach but I was relieved.
Amanda hates me.
She called me and adumb was blonde because I was talking to my friend on the phone and I would do it for hours in a row.
Stayed at Myrtle Beach for a week without her, which means I can sunbathe quietly and put lemon juice on my hair and she won't laugh at me or put her fingers in her mouth, pretend to vomit.
Or sing Carly Simon's song, "You're too vain.
"Aunt Eve is here.
We all adore aunt Eve.
She used to be our live broadcast.
But when Diana was two years old, she moved to the Yorktown Heights, 20 minutes from Bedford and lived with her son and family.
Since mom doesn't like the housework, she still comes to clean the house and wash clothes twice a week.
"It's not my strength," she said . "
Auntie is in her 70 s, I think, but if you ask her how old she is, she always replies, "big enough!
Dad joked that he had a perfect wife between aunt Eve and his mother.
"Why don't we fly?
"I asked dad because he strategically placed his mom's golf club on the cooler behind our Jeep rocking chair. "Isn't it far?
"Road travel is fun!
He shouted, rearranged two suitcases and bagged the last one, which was filled with beach toys.
"In addition, we can also go to the east coast to see.
Dad jumped into the driver's seat and I sat right behind him.
Mother sat in the front row, and aunt Eve sat behind her mother.
Dan was squeezed in the middle, Diana bounced from my lap to mom's lap, then climbed behind and made a nest where she was asleep, her pale cheeks hit her mother's leather golf bag with wrinkles on her lips puc.
When we crossed the George Washington Bridge into New Jersey, I was already bored.
We only drove for an hour and walked for thirteen hours.
Dad started a punch-in game and then mom suggested playing capital and we all groaned.
Then mom started singing, "fasten the seat belt, that's it," and everyone sang the part that sounded like a human horn, "well," before she finished the line, "a bumpy night.
"This is one of her songs --
When she clapped with Lauren Bacar on the radio, she lined up alone.
The solo started, "she laughed so loudly that the last show started.
After that song, mom tried to get me to sing tomorrow with her, but I refused because I vowed never to sing that song again, did not audition for Annie on Broadway a year ago.
The casting director asked me to do something like this, "When I was called graaay and lo-
Onelyyy, I just took out my chiiiin, griiiin and saaay. . . !
"They are the highest and most difficult notes in the whole song.
My voice became tense when I got there and then cracked.
The director shouted "cut!
"Before I can sing the song.
I turned my eyes and said, "I'm tired of that song . "
Mom found out that I did it in the corner of her eye and frowned.
"Don't do bad sports," she said.
"This is inappropriate.
"Temertel beach is like a carnival, riding along the boardwalk in town.
Standing in the team forever after riding the roller-
Roller coaster, on my tip
Toe required by height.
I wasn't excited until I sat in my seat and realized that I would definitely fall.
I hold on to my dear life when it starts and when it turns upside down I close my eyes and try not to cry.
I felt sick when it was over, just like I was going to vomit.
I had an ice cream before and told my mom I had a stomachache but I really didn't want to ride anymore.
So mom took me to the ripplley hotel. . . Or Not! museum.
I like something like this: my favorite TV show is looking for it. . .
I like to see these impossible pictures.
Believe in what really exists in the world, such as the African tribes who wear rings and stretch their necks.
I like the bloody things too, but mom is scared.
She can't even look.
But she does like the feeling that someone has written a poem in such a small place and you have to read it with a magnifying glass.
What she likes most is a matchbox. a man cuts it into a long Matchbox. hundred-
Did not break its foot band.
We stayed in the apartment on the beach and dad taught me how to throw a perfect spiral football on the beach.
He told me to point in the direction I wanted to throw the ball with my left hand.
With my right hand, I always put my fingertips on my shoelaces and my wrist broke when the ball passed through my face and then loosened.
I'm really trying, but I can't.
My hand is too small.
Dad didn't make me feel bad about it, but I never thought about letting him down.
I want to do his copy.
The next day, we all went to the sculpture garden by Jeep.
When we parked our car at the entrance to the parking lot, there were two statues of fighting stallion.
On their hind legs, they whip each other lashing with their front hoof and bite each other's neck.
I'm the only one in the family who doesn't like horses.
I 've been scared of them since I was eight years old, my Shetland ponies, and rolled over on him with me.
He almost killed me.
Too bad, but dad asked me to get back to him right away.
I did what he asked because I wanted to please him.
But I have hated the beasts since then.
When we drove to visit the statues, I looked up and saw their huge marble testicles, which I realized: it wouldn't be very interesting.
After looking at the boring statue for four hours, I couldn't wait to get back to the beach to get some rays.
We went back to prison.
Mom was in the passenger seat, Dan and I were in the back, and Diana was in the middle.
Aunt Eve lived in the apartment, claiming that the statue was "not her thing ".
"Dad started the ignition without any reason to worry about it, but when he was driving, it suddenly tilted forward and then moaned, and then we all heard a loud noise.
Then the car made a huge sigh and was completely silent.
Dad got off the bus and knelt down. he looked like a good man.
We heard him doodle, "Damn it.
"What is this, Bob ? "
Mom called from the passenger's seat.
"It's the drive shaft," he called back under the car.
Mom sat in her seat and looked at us doubtfully, "What?
She unfastened her seat belt and opened the door.
"Put the car together," said dad calmly, climbing up from the ground and brushing the gravel with his hands and knees.
When he went to look for a pay phone, I climbed out of the car and sat on the sidewalk determined to bask in the sun before the sun fell.
I put my T-
The shirt went through its neck to make a bikini top, rolled the sleeves over my shoulder, leaned against my arm, and my face and body aligned with the sun.
Finally, when dad was waiting for the trailer, the taxi came and brought mom, Dan, Diana and I back to the apartment.
The next day, while our car was still in the store, Aunt Barbara called her father and said grandpa was in the hospital.
He had pneumonia.
His lungs are filled with liquid.
His doctor only kept him alive for a few more days.
The next day, Dad flew to Boston and saw his father for the last time, leaving our three children behind with our mother.
All of a sudden, the holiday became less interesting.
Mom didn't know how to throw a perfect spiral football with Dan and she told me that I spent too much time in the sun.
To make matters worse, I have given up my chances of playing 80 stars.
Three days after the holiday, my agent called to say that Bob forth was thinking about getting my sister old and whether I would fly back for another audition.
I told my mom I didn't want to do it because I had so much fun.
And now I'm not sure.
The Jeep was fixed, and the time to go home seemed to be twice as long as no father.
He likes to play punch cards and he lets us eat at Burger King.
Mom loves word games and lets eat wet tuna sandwiches on bread.
Aunt Eve made ola bread the night before.
And we're all worried about the Grammy.
Mom said she wasn't sure we 'd see him again.
We returned to Bedford in the evening.
I was so happy to get home and it was nice to see our German Shepherd Max, who jumped up and looked into the car as soon as his mother stopped.
We sent aunt Eve to her son's home in Highland town, so I unloaded the goods for my mother.
I already know I want to wear my white button.
The next day I went to school in a down jacket because it was better to show off my skin so I emptied all my suitcases and white stuff.
An hour or two later, just as I was ironing, the phone rang. It was Dad.
"Hi toots," his voice came out of the receiver. "How's Grampy? " I asked.
Dad replied, "he's a soldier . "
"He will succeed.
We chatted for a while and then he said, "tell Amanda not to pick me up at the airport.
Tell your mom I'm going home with a car rental.
"Then," Kiddo, don't worry about anything.
I figured everything out.
He hung up.
Amanda's room is on the third floor.
I walked up two stairs and knocked softly on her door.
It has a sign on it that says, do not enter the death penalty in thick capital letters.
The super bomb on the sound exploded.
"Look at my girlfriend/She's my only girlfriend" wanders through the closed door.
I hit hard and then heard the scratch recording the needle, "What?
"She wouldn't let me in, so I shouted from the door," said dad, "Don't pick him up.
He's renting a car.
Instead of answering, she put the record needle back.
When Dani woke up, Mom sat in my bed crying and her hands covered her face.
It was a clear night.
I remember the blue light of the moon reflecting the wallpaper, the outline of my hobby toy cars and planes, and my battery collection. "What's wrong? " I asked.
She told my dad was dead.
She said dad would never come back again and God wanted him.
I began to cry.
We gave a hug.
Lisa Manda decided to go to school the next morning, but the rest of us stayed at home.
Every time the doorbell rings, I shout, "I'll get it!
"Apart from wandering aimlessly in the house where we suddenly become huge and strange, I appreciate what is to be done.
Even Max feels wrong.
He will accompany me to the front door every time he rubs gently, and his halon is over.
Or another delivery guy.
Lily, tulip, Rose and carnations are all pastel shades --
Or a caring neighbor put the tuna casserole or pineapple asidedown cake.
Mom stays in the bedroom all day and calls most of the time.
I heard it, standing at her door, or sitting on the third floor steps, and listening to her telling the story over and over again: "It was a car accident. . .
He is on his way home from Boston. . .
He fell asleep in front of the steering wheel. . .
He has only two exits from home.
"No matter how many times I have listened, the truth of what she said has never disappeared.
I was waiting for him to pull up the driveway, blow the horn, and smile and say, "Ha! Ha! Ha!
I really let you all go!
Dad is a clown.
He likes mischief.
When the phone rings, he says, "Ku-Ni-Chi-
On a ridiculous Saturday night, the Japanese accent of the scene.
Or "Vinnie's Pizzeria", blink at the nearby whoeverwas and let that person participate in his jokes.
Besides, he is everywhere.
His brown leather slippers sit at the foot of Ottoman, his blanket, in the green-light velvet of his bedroom --soft baby-
A blue cardigan is hung on the hook of the mud room.
I couldn't help but catch it and bury my face in soft folds.
There is also the smell of smoke pipes and Colgate toothpaste, the taste of dad.
How can he die if his smell is still alive?
There are three and a half cans of balantin beer in the fridge.
Ate the Stilton cheese wrapped in cellophane and it would stay there for a couple of weeks until someone realized that I wasn't sure who it was, Dad was the only one in our house to have a beer or like it
Then there was a note written on his rough left --
On the bulletin board next to the phone, scrawled and all the sharp corners and straight lines nailed to it: "Annie, I'm in the barn.
"I 've been floating and fumbling all day, lurking in the hallway, listening to the conversation and looking for clues that prove my intuition right.
Dad's in the barn!
That's what the note says!
Or he's really waiting at the airport by plane!
We need someone to go to Kennedy Airport.
Or maybe the person who died in a car accident is a man who looks like a father.
Uncle Harry, Aunt Eve's boyfriend, recognized the body.
He told his mother and father that he was a man who was beyond recognition.
I overheard him say dad's head was badly broken and the only reason he knew Dad was because he had red, brown, black and silver beards on his lips.
A lot of people have beards, I think!
UncleHarry said he was beyond recognition.
So maybe not him.
He can't be.
How could it be him?
Later that afternoon, after Amanda came home from school, I sat down the stairs leading to her bedroom and listened to her conversation with mom.
The person who is not sentenced to death has been torn off her door, but the mood is still there, like the two paper corners under the stubborn tape.
"You can't wear leather pants for your father's funeral," the mother pleaded . ".
She sounds tired.
I climbed silently to the top of the stairs and peeped through the crack half open the door.
Mom was sitting on amanda's bed, under a half poster --
Naked Jim Morrison, his arm stretched on the cross of a lazy man.
I love Amanda's leather pants.
She bought them for the money she got on her 16 th birthday and said she was going to wear them to a concert.
She was proud of them and she even invited me to her room one afternoon to show them off.
She had torn the lining apart and made them fit, but she still had to lie on the bed, suck, tuck her belly to one side, and then the other, to pull them up without catching any meat.
She looks great when she's inside.
"They're black," Amanda said with a frown . "
She sat in a chair at her desk with her arms crossed.
"We will go shopping tomorrow," my mother suggested . "
"I hate shopping," Amanda said without moving . ".
She stared out of the window with her back to her mother.
When I felt panic for the first time
I didn't go to the funeral in black.
I ran to my room and ransacked my closet.
Dad just bought me a cotton dress for the eighth time.
Spring Dance, but the stripes of purple and blue-green are white.
I also bought a Gunn saxophone dress, a Christmas present, but it's a gray print with a white lace collar, not the most conspicuous,
Dad is proud of his dress.
Although he doesn't like riding very much, he has a trendy red coat with a black velvet collar and a hat to go fox hunting with his mother.
I need a black dress.
I ran to tell my mom that now that she's back in her bedroom, her eyes are raw but still shed tears.
"Elizabeth, you are too small to wear black . " She said calmly.
Somewhere deep in my heart suddenly came an angry lightning bolt.
"If Dad is still alive, he will buy me a black dress," I said, biting my teeth and sticking out my lower lip to her, not my tongue, my upper lip clam pulled, holding back the tears on my chest.
Mom looks like I slapped her in the face.
"Well, I'm sorry," she said.
"Not your father. . .
"I don't know how she finished this sentence because I'm already running and my hands cover my mouth because my lips are screaming pressure in my throat
I slammed the door of the bedroom and rushed to the bed.
I cried for the first time that day.
AMANDAYeah, I went to school the next day.
I have to leave the damn house.
Everyone is crying very strange.
Mom's driving Metz.
From her father's death to the end of her funeral, she kept crying.
Like, you cried, and then you stopped.
You don't cry, you don't cry, you don't cry.
Don't get me wrong. I cried.
I just didn't do it all day sitting in front of everyone.
Also, when my father died, my relationship with my mother was not very good.
When I was sixteen-year-
Old anxiety and her. . .
She's really annoying.
I couldn't deal with her that morning, so I drove my dad's Mercedes to school.
Until that day I tried to lose weight by walking four miles to school and eating only every other day.
I am not fat, but I am fat compared to other children.
I mean: I had to tear off the lining in my pants because otherwise my fat thighs wouldn't fit in.
My mother taught me to make my own rabbit-
Brain diet plan.
The first time she took me to the weight, I was 7.
When I was a junior high school student, we had a shakley diet together because emom was out of work and started selling disgusting food --
Replace the milkshake.
I season with maple syrup extract and it's like pancakes all semester.
Then, on the day of dad's death, the food was discarded in an hour, like, whole baked ham and ziti, just casserole after casserole.
Where is the food.
I think it's funny, like, our dad is dead. don't we eat it?
No one opened the refrigerator?
But I think they just want to do something.
Anyway, when I came home from school that afternoon, I ate a whole pineapple. down cake.
This is the best thing I have ever eaten in my life.
Dani went to school for the longest time among all;
I was hungry in the house for a week.
Although all these people came over and said they were sorry, they felt very lonely.
One day, my friends Curtis and Jeremy came over after school.
We stood in the driveway right in front of the house. It was awkward.
We were only eleven and we really didn't know what to say to each other, so we went out to play.
But it's really good that they come.
When I got back to school, some kids made a joke that my father was dead and I started crying in class.
Curtis got up and hit the kid.
It feels good to see him do this for me.
It makes me feel less lonely.
Lisa Manda woke up wearing leather pants.
I was wearing a gray Gunn Saks gown, sitting in a folding chair, surrounded by seven or eight girlfriends who pulled the chair to my side.
Their eyes stared at me, but my eyes were placed on the coffin which was only 10 feet away from me.
Mom thought I was too young to wear black, but I think she thought I was old enough to help her pick her dad's coffin.
Just the day before, I was sitting in the woods of chengunderta.
Mother answered a series of questions.
A man in a dark suit and a white arched shirt sat behind a large table and wrote her answer on the clipboard.
"Do you want him cremated? "Asked the man.
"Do you have a funeral plot?
"Will this be a religious ceremony ? "
"How many people do you want ? "
"Do you want an open or closed coffin ? "
The mother sat in her seat, tilted to one side and confused.
Now I see why she brought me.
This person may also speak Cantonese.
This is a new role for her: Dad is the person who handles the actual business.
He paid all the bills, filled out all the forms and hired the handyman.
So she hesitated to answer every question in a trembling voice, and her lower lip trembled.
It has been shaking since dad died.
I have seen this expression before, but most of it is seen on TV.
This is her trademark: she will bite her lower lip, wrinkle her forehead, and then her chin will tremble.
It always annoys me up until now and I never thought it was sincere.
I wanted to reach out and clip her face between my hands to stabilize her chin and wipe away her tears.
I just sit there and feel like I'm useless.
I have no help at all.
Then the man asked, "What coffin?
Mom stared at him and shrugged, prompting him to take out a three.
He filled the ring binder in front of us with smooth photos.
Until I saw a shiny dark purple
Y red mahogany coffin with royal blue velvet lining.
"That's it, Mom," I said.
"This is what dad wants.
"To some extent, we seem to be buying a Skycar, a car that can enlarge dad to heaven.
He drove only one Mercedes.
As far as I can remember, Mercedes is such a mahogany, brass hardware and royal blue velvet lining seems to fit well.
Mercedes Benz coffin.
Cheng underta nodded and agreed, saying, "your daughter's taste is really good.
The mother sighed and said, "This is what she got from her father.
"Then she asked the price and I felt ashamed at once.
How can she think of money when it's like this?
The numbers he quoted were high enough to shock his mother from grief.
"It's ridiculous," she said . "
"It's more than we can afford.
She continued to turn over the book, her hands trembled with her lower lip, tears splashed on the laminated pages, and I was wondering if that was the reason for the lamination.
She finally found an oak coffin without lining.
Even chengunderta agreed that dad's face and body were badly broken so only a closed coffin could go.
I sat in the funeral home staring at the coffin, hoping it was mahogany.
But then I saw my mom reaching out an arm from her husband's body, thanking people for coming, and nodding her head when they told her how sorry they were, and agree with others.
I realize that editing is not important.
That night, I spent most of my time comforting my friends, especially Adriana, who wrote me all the notes as "MBF" during her seventh grade, I signed it.
"We are no longer close friends, but Adrianna is crying so badly that she has tears and snot on her face and saliva in her mouth.
"It will be fine," I told her over and over again.
I don't mind, though.
It gave me something to do.
My brothers and sisters are like zombies.
Dan stood with two friends and kicked a place on the floor with his feet, and his hand reached into his gray velvet pocket.
Amanda and her best friend Anna are sitting in a corner. faced.
Diana stayed at home.
Mom thought she was too young to be so sad, instead she took a picture of her and her dad and put it on the coffin.
It was like this before the summer: Dad stood in the shallow water of our pool, with his waist deep in the water, Diana on his hips, her pale arms wrapped tightly around his neck, if she wanted to be clay and wanted to mold it, her freckle face would hit his ass.
They all laughed so hard, and it was surprising that the frame could contain the joy of that moment, and it was surprisingly not scattered in the funeral home like dust.
DIANAI remembers when the photo was taken, which replaced my father and I at the funeral.
It was sunny and we were by the pool.
I was wearing a hand. me-
I inherited cousin froma's swimsuit, which is a brown printed cloth number with a large round cut with a material that covers my navel and one that covers me
That morning I left it alone in the bathroom I shared with Liz.
All these holes make it difficult for the dress to negotiate.
Bare butt on thecool tile, I put my foot into the wrong hole and pulled the suit to mythighs.
I had to stand up and sit three times before I got it right.
Until my sisters told me it was horrible and I thought it was the coolest thing to do.
It was on dad, the towel hung on his shoulder, picked me up and asked Mom to hold her straw hat.
I squeezed his neck and pressed my cheek on his neck.
He smiled and said I grew up.
Then he threw me in the air and threw me into the pool.
DANDad does not show color index ed.
I cried so badly when I was a child.
I'm a mom boy and always hide behind my mom's legs because I'm afraid of a bunch of things: cats, horses, geese --you name it.
This time, my father and I walked in the driveway, I cried and spoiled.
Finally, he said to me, "Don't cry, or I'll give you something to cry.
"He never told me that men should not cry, but that is implied.
It's like in the movie "The great Sandini", the moment when Sandini siweifei died.
He was in the hospital with his son and he said to his son, "Well, you have 15 minutes to cry. And that is it.
The son walked into the ward and cried for 15 minutes. that's it.
This is lingering in my mind.
That's what I should do, I think.
That's what men do.
"As the pall-man walked down the aisle, everyone was holding the corner of Dad's coffin, and I saw a tear mark on one's face.
For the first time, I thought it was OK for a man to cry.
About the four years I spent with my father, DIANAI can't remember how much more.
I now know that he is one of seven children, born in Quincy, Massachusetts, three children and four boys, raised by a widow.
He is the quarterback of North Quincy High School and has made several local newspapers for his pigskin hands.
He worked, got a fair score at school, and ruthlessly laughed at his sisters.
My grandfather, we are all called grandfathers, is an alcoholic, he is a group of alcoholic children, after school, our father and his brothers were often half empty in the kitchen by the bottles on the table in front of him.
The unfortunate son was ordered to go to the basement with his old man for a while and he would drag his gloves down the wooden stairs.
Uncle Russ, an artist and interior decorator who died of liver failure in 2003, made it the worst.
It was Las holding me on the day when his father's coffin was put into the hot green land of the cemetery.
I didn't attend the funeral, but mom took us all to Massimo usetts to the funeral.
There are weeping people everywhere, looking at coffins, holes, grass, shoes, the sky.
Las looked at the grass.
My hand held on to his back neck and patted him on the swollen, thorny cheek.
I looked into his eyes red and wet.
They seem to be hurt.
I looked at his big ears and at the curly hair from the wax hole.
"Is my father in there?
I whispered to him in silence.
He knew nothing about me, so I leaned closer, my lips touched my hair, and asked him again.
Then I saw his eyes overflowing, closing his mouth hard and biting my tongue.
I can taste the blood, the metal, like the water in the school fountain, and lick my teeth.
I began to cry and put my hand on his cheek again, like the cheek I touched in the sun by the pool, in the dim hallway of our house, in my bed before I fell asleep.
"You look like my dad," I whispered . ".
"You look like my father.
"My uncle turned his head and sobbed like a gray man --
Mrs. hayred took me out of his arms, and my hand scraped his stubble as I was left by carri.